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​Take It Away, Stranger​

Rich seemed like a nice guy, and although we only interacted for a few minutes, I remain forever grateful to him for the psychic load he unburdened me from, and took on himself, despite not knowing me at all.

Rich is a hero, but he’s not unique. He’s one of many heroes around the world who act probably on a daily basis, visiting strangers they meet via Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist, coming to their homes and agreeing to adopt a piece of neglected exercise equipment.

I don’t even know if we shook hands before he got in his car to drive away, which I regret. I think I was just so excited to have back the space in our garage that had been occupied by a NordicTrack ski machine for almost a year and a half.

I had bought it off Craigslist on a bit of an impulse during an August when the wildfire smoke in our town was really bad and I needed to exercise. Why didn’t I buy a treadmill? I don’t know. But I would have needed a pickup to haul a treadmill home. Plus the first real ultrarunner I ever met told me years ago that he did a ton of training on a NordicTrack, and that it really mimicked the motion of running well. Better question: Why didn’t I just pay for a day pass at the gym four blocks from my house?

Well, I didn’t. I bought a NordicTrack from a guy in an apartment complex a few blocks away, despite many red flags like a) I’m not really much of an exercise machine person and b) the fact that NordicTrack stopped producing the ski machines in the late 1990s.

I used it a couple times in our garage when the smoke was really bad, and then ignored it for almost a year and a half, watching it gather dust and sawdust, until I finally listed it on Craigslist for much less than I paid for it. Then, after it didn’t sell, I dropped the price. Then I dropped the price again, and finally, I just put it on Craigslist for free. Like just come and rid me of this goddamn thing, please. Within 14 minutes, a guy named Rich messaged me and said he was interested.

I grew up in what I believe was the heyday of infomercial fitness equipment: The Abdominizer, the Thighmaster (hawked by Suzanne Somers), the EZ Krunch, the Abflex, and later the Shake Weight, all of which sold millions of units on the promise of changing our lives, only to be debunked and/or ridiculed later. Suzanne Somers claimed they sold more than 15 million thighmasters, and the much less-famous Abdominizer apparently sold more than 6 million units in 50-plus countries.

Among all those gadgets that promised to give us abs, or muscles, or just fitness, but ended up in garage sales or charity shops or landfills, there must be some stories of people whose lives were actually changed by an infomercial-pitched exercise aid, right? Some folks who did, actually firm up their core by committing to workouts with the EZ Crunch, as endorsed by Price is Right model Dian Parkinson? Or someone whose lifelong fitness journey began with an impulse buy of the Shake Weight late one night while sitting on their couch, dusting Doritos seasoning off their fingertips to dial the 1-800 number on the screen of their TV? Surely this happened hundreds of times, with all the millions of these things sold.

Unfortunately, that’s not what happened with the used NordicTrack I bought from the guy in Missoula. I don’t remember what I originally paid for it, but I think it was somewhere in the neighborhood of $250, which means each time I used it cost me $125, which is almost the cost of a pair of running shoes, which I actually use, and even if running shoes somehow didn’t work for me, they could be used as walking shoes. The unused NordicTrack just sat there, taking up too much space in the garage—but taking up even more space in my head every time I walked by or glanced at it, a little ski machine-shaped spot in my brain colored with light shades of guilt.

Rich from Craigslist showed up to remove it from my garage within minutes of messaging me. I helped him carry it to his car, feeling the weight of the machine leave my hands as we set it in the back. I watched him drive away, hoping he’d get more joy out of it than I had. Maybe it would change his life?

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